A few days ago the taxman sent me a letter to tell me that I had overpaid tax in 2003 and 2004. I have no idea what I did in those years or what could have caused me to overpay tax. I must have done something in 2003 and 2004 but I cannot remember what. Subsequently the taxman has sent me a cheque for hundreds upon hundreds of pounds, which is sweet revenge for years of abuse and neglect at the hands of poverty. I will vote for Gordon Brown after all.

But what shall I do with this windfall? Photography is an expensive hobby. Lenses are expensive and so are women. I wonder which will be best for me in the long run - a Canon 35mm f/1.4, gold coins, four hours with one of those expensive international supermodels, or a Chinese takeaway once a week for the next four years? The lens, the coins will hold their value. The weekly meal will help to keep me alive. But without the international supermodels I will just be an anonymous nobody sitting at home with his lenses and gold coins and food, just like everybody else. I don't want to be like everybody else. I want everybody else to want to be like me.

Whichever I choose I will probably end up wasting the money. My future self circa 2015, cowering from petrol bandits in the ruined Mad Max wasteland of future England, will want to reach back into the past and beat sense into me for wasting the only freebie I ever had.